It’s Been Awhile

It has been several months since I posted anything.  Earlier in the year my son started his 3.5 year sentence in prison…..his second visit.  I thought that seeing my precious boy go to prison the first time was devastating but I reasoned with myself that it was “short” (10 months) and he would get some good sober time.  I convinced myself this is the worst it can get.  It can only go up from that point.  Oh the “Hope Hotel”…..when you go too far up, the fall hurts.

I’m sure I’ve posted this before but he got released on 4/2/18.  From what I can tell, it took him about 2 weeks to relapse and 7 weeks to get arrested for another possession charge.  Fast forward to now.  He was in jail from October 2018 till he got sentenced and transported to DOC in early January 2019 and it has been a MFing roller coaster of emotion.  I have been able to see my son once at the end of February.  I knew the minute I saw him, things just weren’t right…..and I was correct.  The constant requests for money, the lies, the manipulation—-it was the same stress I had when he was on the streets! Eventually he tested dirty on a drug test and has lost privileges—Phone until July 30 BUT visits until November 2020!!  I am so very sad about this whole thing but even more so that I cannot hug my son.  I pray……constantly.  It is my only outlet.  If I didn’t pray, I don’t know where I would be emotionally and mentally.  My heart hurts but I find solace in my quiet time with God.  The one positive in this is that I received a letter telling me that my son has given his heart to God and is clean and sober.   As of today, he is 58 days sober.  Hopefully I will get to hear his voice in a week or so.

I have so many hopes and dreams for him.  I know the smart, loving, compassionate young man he is inside and I know he was created for greatness.  I pray HE comes to know that he was created for greatness.